Finding your own inner strength
by GradGrl
Summary: When one of the family is abused the family must pull together to save them, even if it's from themselves.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Notes: There will be no throwing things at the author. I kinda got inspired to write this out of the blue. So I'll be working on this one and Gatsby so people will just have to be calm and patient… yea I didn't get that in heaven either… the line was too long. So enjoy the story and if you need a fix read some of my others.**_

_**Finding your own Inner Strength**_

_**Chapter 01:**_

_**Keeping you safe in a way I can't.**_

Mark lay on the ground shivering. He could feel the welts forming on his back. He could feel the blood slipping down his back. His body was sore from two days ago and tomorrow it would be sorer. He gripped his sides trying to breathe with out it hurting. Tonight had been especially vicious when Mark had accused him of cheating. Mark had seen the fist coming but hadn't moved. It would've just made him madder. Mark stared at the leather strapped that lay next to him. He could see his own blood strains on it. Mark knew it was the strap he used to inject the heroin into his body. Mark could feel the nausea rise up in him. When they had gotten together he had promised Mark he was clean. He had lied to Mark.

Mark wasn't sure how long he had lain on the ground. At least till it was bearable to move. Pulling himself up Mark made his way to the bathroom they shared. Mark looked at his own face. Mark had given up wearing his glasses long ago. HE had told Mark he looked better with out his glasses. Mark looked at his face; it had been spared a beating simply because it was hard to hide bruising to Mark's face. But Mark's body: Mark pulled his shirt off. Mark's sides here an array of blues, purples, blacks, and browns. Mark sighed then turned to look at his back. Red welts line Mark's back. Thin lines of blood ran from several of the welts.

"Oh my god…" Mark turned quickly to see Joanne Jefferson. When had Joanne came in? "JO!" Mark grabbed his shirt trying in vain to hide the bruises and welts. "Mark," Joanne could muster the words. Mark stared guiltily into Jo's face as tears welded in her eyes. He and Joanne had grown close since they had met three years ago on that cold December morning. They had leaned on each other more then once when things had gotten tough in their small family.

Joanne took Mark's hand and led him to the beaten brown couch held together by duck tape. "Oh Mark," Joanne said pulling Mark into her arms holding him gently. Mark could feel tears coming to his eyes. Suddenly his emotional dam broke. He started to sob his frail frame shaking as Joanne stroked his copper head. "Shh, we'll make it better Mark I swear." Joanne whispered. "Nothing can make this better…" Mark sobbed into her shoulder.

Roger Davis walked into the loft he had shared with his best friend Mark Cohen for the last six or seven years. He was surprised when he found Joanne Jefferson. A dear friend of the Boho Boys seated on his sofa with Thomas Collins in a chair next to it. Joanne was dating Maureen Johnson, another dear friend and ex-girlfriend to Roger's roommate. Thomas, just Collins to his friends, had once been a room mate in the same loft with Mark and Roger. Roger looked at his friends' faces, they looked distressed and upset.

"Jo, Collins, what's wrong?" Roger asked. "We need to talk." Collins said gesturing to the couch. Roger sat gingerly bracing himself for the worse. Was it Mimi Marquez, his ex-girlfriend who had become his best friend in the last nine months? Mimi, Collins, and Roger all battled with the same disease, A.I.D.S. The disease had already taken one of their friends, Angel Shunard, a drag queen who had been the love of Collins' life.

"Roger, its Mark." Collins started. Roger could feel his heart clench. Mark, his savior, his best friend, and some ways the only reason Roger went on living: The idea of leaving Mark by himself to hard to imagine. But Mark wasn't alone, not since he had met HIM.

"What's wrong with Mark?" Roger asked. "Roger, there's no easy way to say it." Joanne started. "What are you doing?" Mark's voice with quick and panicked. Roger's head turned to the voice of his roommate. He stood in the doorway of his bedroom. He looked positively frightened.

"You can't tell him, it's none of his business." Mark snapped. It was the first time Roger had seen Mark in a month. Mark had unofficial moved in with HIM. Now Roger was in shock looking at his emancipated roommate. Mark had to weigh 20 pounds less then when Roger had last seen him. His skin was sallow and paler then normal. Roger was sure if Mark turned just right or if the light hit Mark just right Roger would literally see right threw him. But it was Mark's eyes that gave everything away,

Mark's eyes, rarely showed emotion now showed fear, they now showed anger, worse, they showed shear exhaustion. "What's going on?" Roger asked looking at Collins and then at Mark. "Nothing!" Mark yelled. Mark, who had never raised his voice to anyone, shook visibly. "EITHER YOU TELL HIM OR I WILL!" Roger jumped at the sound of Collins yelling. "Don't you get it? You'll just make it worse! I can handle it Collins!" Mark pleaded. "Right, handle it, cause you're doing such a banged up job now of handling it." Collins snapped. Collin raised slapping Mark on his side. Mark screamed and then collapsed. "COLLINS, that was uncalled for." Joanne rushed to Mark's side checking on him. "Got his attention didn't it?" Collins said.

Roger had never seen Collins so angry. And to hurt Mark was unheard of from any of their family. "Roger, help me get him to bed." Joanne asked. Roger stood leaning down he threw one of Mark's arms over Roger's shoulder; Roger paused a moment, then shifted Mark's legs over his arms and attempted to pick Mark up. Roger was sickened when Mark came easily. He was too light to be healthy Roger knew. Roger carried Mark to his bed. "Put me down I'm fine." Mark mumbled. Roger laid Mark down as Joanne covered him with a comforter that she'd bought him last Christmas.

Joanne sat on the edge of the bed stroking Mark's copper hair. "You're not fine. And I am going to tell Roger. He can keep you safe in a way that I can't. I know you don't believe that Mark, and I know your going to be angry. But I won't sit by and watch. I care about you too much. If Maureen was doing it would you sit by and watch?" Joanne spoke softly to Mark. Mark closed his eyes and sighed shaking his head no. "Get some rest; we'll keep Roger calm till you're strong enough to talk." Joanne promised kissing Mark's forehead.

Roger knew this was bad when Jo had said that she'd keep him calm. Why would Roger need to be kept calm? "Jo what's going on?" Roger asked as they entered the living room. Collins sat there with three cups of coffee waiting. "Mark was here, I watched him come up. I hadn't seen him in awhile so I was going up when I heard voices yelling. Sam was here waiting for Mark." Joanne said.

Sam, Roger hated HIM. An ex-junkie Mark had met threw Buzzline. Roger always felt that Mark was too good for Sam. But Sam made Mark happy and that was important to Roger. To see his best friend happy, Roger had bit his tongue and kept his opinions to himself until little things got to Roger. The way Sam was always calling to check on Mark. The way Sam would say little things Roger knew made Mark doubt himself even feel bad about himself. It had all come to a head when Sam had forbid Mark to be alone with other guys. Sam had this insane notion that the minute Roger was alone with Mark that Roger would steal Mark away from him. That had been a month ago and Roger hadn't seen Mark since then.

"Okay so it has to do with Sam, what did he do? Cheat? Accuse Mark of cheating? Oh wait let me guess, Mark's been seeing me on the side secretly." Roger said sarcastically. "He's been beating Mark." Joanne said looking at Roger levelly.

_**Author's Closing: And you all thought I was gonna make Roger or the Benny the bad guy. Shame on you. So yeah, every time I referred to HIM I was talking about SAM. Anyways… no throwing things… hope you liked it. I'll give you a preview of the next chapter,**_

**Roger and Mark lay on Mark's bed staring into each other's eyes. Here they could be honest. Here they knew anything that was said was between them and them alone. Here, their heads covered by the sheets and comforter they knew it was just Mark and Roger. There was no A.I.D.S., there was no rent to be paid, no anger, just love and caring. Here they were themselves. **

**Roger looked at Mark's soft Chocolates and spoke, "He's hurting you." "I know, but I love him Roger. He's hurting me out of fear I'll leave. You used to do it all the time." Mark admitted. "I never meant to." Roger whispered. "I know. And nither does Sam." Mark answered and leaned over kissing Roger's forehead knowing Rog needed reassurance that the sins of the past were put exactly where they belonged. In the past.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: Okay maybe I do deserve to have things thrown at me. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with this and it was hard. No the story isn't finished. BUT! I hope it won't take as long for me to write the next chapter. But, I'm about to start my gorilla theater course and it could be awhile. So we'll see. Hope you like. R&R please and send me ideas that what you would like to see happen.**

Joanne sighed as she looked at Roger. He sat stewing on the fire escape. He'd taken the news of Mark's abuse horribly. First raging, threating to kill Sam. Then guilt, saying he knew something wasn't right and should've protected Mark better. Joanne had tried to pacify Roger saying that they all were to blame but nothing worked. Collins sat in Mark's room now watching over the filmmaker. Joanne knew Collins was dealing with his own guilt. Collins had seen Mark 3 days ago at the Life Café.

Collins watches as Mark flinched in his sleep as he moved. He remembered back to 3 days ago:

_**Flashback**_

Collins entered Life, he was hungry and tired. The days seemed to be growing longer lately. Maybe it was the fact they were so close to the end of the term. The students of New York University seemed to be growing lazier as the closer the end of term came.

Collins looked around his eyes falling on the back corner. A smile broke on his face. There sat Mark, he sat staring into the cup of coffee sitting in front of him as if it had the answers to the all the questions in the world. Mark's young face was drawn tight in concentration. Walking over to Mark Collins observed the filmmaker sigh.

"Tell me if the coffee does any tricks." Collins said breaking into Mark's solitude. Mark looked up; Collins was taken back by the desperation in Mark's eyes. The look was quickly hidden and Mark smiled.

"If it does I'm going to kick myself for leaving my camera at Sam's." Mark said leaning back as Collins sat. "What brings you to the Life Café this fine evening?" Mark asked. "Avoidance, those papers that need to be graded are mocking me." Collins grinned. "Mocking you?" Mark asked his eyebrow rose. "Fuck you." Collins said with a grin. "And what brings you?" Collins asked ordering a coffee and a sweet. Collins looked at Mark when he didn't answer. "Sam's in a mood." Mark muttered. "He's been drinking and I don't want to go home."

Collins looked at his friend in concern. "Does he usually drink this early?" Collins asked. Mark looked down muttering, "He thinks I'm sleeping with Roger." Collins laughed, "Roger?" Collins' laughter died as he looked at Mark. "You're serious! He thinks you and Roger have a thing? I mean, come on," Collins started. "He found out Roger's bi." Mark said. "Yeah so: I'm gay, what does it matter?" Collins asked. "He is convinced we had a thing before Roger and Mims." Mark said.

There was a commotion at the door. Collins and mark turned to see Sam. He was tall with shaggy brown hair and dark eyes. "I'm just here to get my boyfriend." Sam said loudly as he pushed the Marta D aside walking towards Mark. "So this is where you ran to. It's not enough you and Roger are fucking; now you're seeing HIM!" Same yelled.

Collins looked disgusted at Sam. He was obviously drunk and to accuse Mark of all people of cheating. "He's a good lay isn't he? Bet he doesn't even make you wear a rubber." Same snarled. "Makes me wear one every time though."

Mark's face was red with embarrassment; Mark stood trying to pull Sam to the door muttering, "Let's go home." "No, you listen here nigger." Same slurred. Collins could handle being called a lot of things but, at the derogatory term he stood up.

"What the fuck is your problem man?" Collins said. Collins was usually a peaceful person but when riled he was intimidating. "Keep your damn poisoned cock away from my boyfriend." Sam said grabbing Mark's arm. "We're leaving." Sam said. "Mark…" Collins started extremely worried about his friend. "I'll be fine Tom." Mark said following Sam.

**_Present _**

Collins rubbed his face, ha had known Sam was drunk. Had he beaten Mark because of him? "I've been threw worse Collins, don't blame yourself." Mark whispered taking Collins' hand in his. "I'm sorry Mark, I should've known." Collins whispered kissing his friend's hand. "Hey, weren't you the one always telling people that if I don't want you to know something I will hide it. And who is better then me at hiding things?" Mark smiled.

Collins held Mark's hand close, smiling at he felt Mark's thumb absently stroke Collins'. Mark had never shied away from Collins' touching. Mark seemed to understand with out Collins saying a word. Since Angel died, Collins needed to be touched, hugged, held, it fulfilled a void in Collins' life on Mark understood and was more then happy to help ease. Collins could remember several nights that Mark and he would sit on the couch reading or talking with Collins head on Mark's lap, their fingers intertwined. "I'm so sorry Marky; I promise he'll never hurt you again." Collins kissed Mark's hand and bowed his head.

Roger stood on the fire escape when he heard the loft door open and Joanne's voice, "YOU GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" Roger quickly retreated into the loft. There stood Joanne between Mark's bedroom and Sam. "Move dyke." Sam snapped reaching to grab Joanne. "Touch her and they won't find the body." Roger growled. "Well if it isn't the wanna be rock star. I'm here for Mark." Sam yelled. "Over my dead body." Roger said looking that Sam. "That can be arranged." Sam said stepping toward Roger. "Sam?" a quiet voice said from Mark's door. Mark stood leaning heavily on the door.

"Baby..." Sam said his demeanor completely changing. "Baby I'm sorry. I was crazed." Sam started. "You were high Sam. You're always high anymore." Mark said tiredly. "Mark." Roger started. Mark simply held up his hand for Roger to stop. "Baby you're right. I'll get help. I swear, I'll get clean but you have to help me baby. I can't do it on my own. I'm not strong enough." Sam said. "I don't know if I can Sam. I'm tired. I've already gotten one person threw withdraw. I don't know if I can do it again." Mark sighed. "HIM! You'll get him threw withdraw but when it comes to me you don't think you can help me. YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!" Sam yelled anger in his eyes as he stepped towards Mark.

All it took was seeing Mark flinch and Roger knew he'd seen enough. "That's enough Sam." Roger said stepping between Mark and Sam. "Get the fuck out of my way closet case." Sam growled. "Get out of my loft. Mark needs rest and you need to crash before you come back here. You're high right now." Roger said. "Fuck off pretty boy. I'll be back. I don't like other people keeping my property from me." Sam snarled heading towards the door. "We don't have any of your property." Roger snapped back slamming the door behind Sam locking it.

"MARK!" Joanne cried out as he crumpled. Roger was grateful that Collins had been apparently standing behind Mark the entire time as Collins grabbed Mark to keep him from collapsing. "Let's get him to bed Thomas." Joanne said quietly.

The moon shown threw the large windows in the common room as Roger made his way across the room to Mark's door. On the couch Maureen, who had come over early that evening and Joanne sleep soundly on the couch. Thomas had opted to share Mimi's bed downstairs with her on the agreement that if he was needed that one of them would come get him.

Roger slipped into the room. "Roger?" Mark said quietly. "Yeah, it's me." Roger answered. There was a silent question between the two Boho Boys. Mark simply lifted the sheets and comforter up so Roger could get in.

Roger and Mark lay on Mark's bed staring into each other's eyes. Here they could be honest. Here they knew anything that was said was between them and them alone. Here, their heads covered by the sheets and comforter they knew it was just Mark and Roger. There was no A.I.D.S.; there was no rent to be paid, no anger, just love and caring. Here they were themselves.

Roger looked at Mark's soft Chocolates and spoke, "He's hurting you." "I know, but I love him Roger. He's hurting me out of fear I'll leave. You used to do it all the time." Mark admitted. "I never meant to." Roger whispered. "I know. And neither does Sam." Mark answered and leaned over kissing Roger's forehead knowing Rog needed reassurance that the sins of the past were put exactly where they belonged: in the past.

**Author's Closing: Hope you liked it. Remember send me ideas on what you would like to see happen and I'll give you full credit for it. Thanks and remember No day but today.**

**Rainbows and sunshine kiddies.**


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